


My Decision To Make

by BrokenBookAddict



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Baby Shower, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Light Angst, Love, Post episode 4x20, Romance, SnowHarry, Snowells, teamflash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 06:31:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14514546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenBookAddict/pseuds/BrokenBookAddict
Summary: Set during/after the end of 4x20 at Cecile's baby shower. A decision that Harry made doesn't sit well with Caitlin.





	1. The Baby Shower

**Author's Note:**

> I do NOT own The Flash. If I did, well... Snowells would be together, happy and so would my poor little shipper heart. 
> 
> What I do OWN are any errors. This came about because it didn't sit well with me that Harry wasn't present at the baby shower... So I fixed that.

"We will," Iris is quick to reassure her, giving her a small smile.  
  
But Caitlin shakes her head. "No I will," she declares to the other woman before walking away. As she heads towards the others who are gathered across the room, the door bell sounds and she lifts her hand to ward off the others. "I'll get it." Reaching out she pulls the door open and finds Harry standing on the other side, looking very unsure of himself. "You came," she says happily to him, stepping back to allow him to enter.  
  
"Yeah, I uh.." Harry stops and shrugs, his eyes taking in the decorated apartment, with all the very pink accessories everywhere. It makes him feel even more out of place.  
  
"Here," she says, reaching out her hand. "Let me take your coat."  
  
Harry sets down the gift bag he brought with him by his feet before slipping off his coat, handing it to Caitlin to hang on the rack to her left.  
  
Turning back to him, she places her hand gently on his forearm and tugs him gently, hoping to get him away from the door. She's glad when he follows her further into the room, over to where the team is sat gathered around Cecile as she opens her gifts.  
  
"Harry! You're here," the pregnant woman exclaims, shooting him a smile obviously very happy that the grumpy unsocial man has actually turned up.  
  
Harry shifts awkwardly, thrusting out his hand to her. "Here," he offers her the white gift bag, decorated with pink stars. "Happy... baby shower."  
  
Cecile gives him a look as if asking if she can open them.  
  
Harry waves his hand in a go for it gesture, watching as she enthusiastically digs into the bag. He watches as she first unwraps the top of the range baby monitors he chose, rolling his eyes at her excitement. Things take an unexpected emotional turn when she moves onto the next gifts, pulling out a small cream coloured plush, a very cute vintage looking rabbit.  
  
"Oh Harry, that's so cute."  
  
Harry clears his throat, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "That uh, Jesse picked that out."  
  
"Then remind me to thank Jesse the next time she... oh!"  
  
"Oh my god, that's so cute!" Iris exclaims, laughing a little as she leans forward in her seat to get a closer look.  
  
"Oh, look how small it is." Caitlin agrees softly.  
  
The men as if in sync roll their eyes. Cisco looks over to Harry. "Where did you get that?" he questions, gesturing at the tiny navy sweater Cecile is holding up. A minuture version of their own Star labs sweatshirts.  
  
"On earth 2, my lab is extremely popular. You can tour the facility and we have a gift shop." He runs a hand through his hair self consciously. "I figured the newest member of the team should get a sweatshirt too."  
  
"That is incredibly sappy, man." Barry laughs at Cisco's words, both ignoring the scowl on the older man's face.  
  
Cecile however, gets up slowly from her chair with assistance from Joe, moving over to tearfully embrace Harry, who awkwardly returns the hug much to the amusement of the team gathered round. Eventually she pulls away moving back to her seat and Harry sighs in relief when all the attention turns back to the pregnant woman as she moves on to open Cisco's gift.  
  
Barry moves to Harry's side, both men watching as the women oh and ah over all the gifts that are beginning to pile up around the small woman's feet. "You got here late, is everything okay?"  
  
Harry sighs, running a hand over his face. "I uh... I'm late because I forgot how to get here."  
  
Everything stops and dead silence follows his words as everyone turns to look at him, their expressions a mix of concern and horror.  
  
"You forgot..." Barry trails off looking hopelessly lost, glancing at the others.  
  
Seeing their reaction, Harry instantly feels bad. "Sorry. That was a bad joke."  
  
"That's so not funny, dude."  
  
Harry concedes to Cisco's scolding with a nod of his head. "I'm fine and I'll be even better when you stop asking me that all the time."  
  
"Right," Barry decides to change the subject and ask something else. "Want a beer?"  
  
Ten minutes later, Caitlin wanders away from the others when she sees Harry standing off to the side alone, leaning against the brick wall beside the window, looking down at the street below. Leaning against the other side of the window, she leans her head against the wall as she watches him. It's quiet between them for awhile, the others offering background noise as he watches the people move about on the street below and she loses herself in her thoughts.  
  
Now she knows what is wrong with him, she now knows the reason behind his behaviour as of late. But it still causes her confusion because over the last few months they've grown more closer to each other than ever before. Finding themselves spending more time together whether that was in a work related environment or a social one, like now gathered with the team or alone, taking a walk to grab some coffee. That was until very recently when she had felt that he was pushing her away, however subtle his attempts, she still noticed him putting distance between them. At first she had though that he had figured her out, that he had realised that her feelings had grown to mean more than mere friendship for him and his attempt at creating distance is his way of saying that he doesn't feel the same way. But now she wonders, is that it or is what's happening to him the real reason behind it? She can't figure it out and something that is adding to the confusion is the fact that he is watching her whenever he thought she isn't paying attention. Aside from the watching is also the fact that he is touching her a lot lately, a hand on her arm, the small of her back or like earlier when he had placed the monitors upon her chest. A task she could have accomplished very much on her own yet he had insisted he do it, afterwards his touch lingered longer than nessercery. It was and still is confusing to her, trying to work out a reason as to why he's pulling away but maintaining this physical contact with her.  
  
Now as she stands opposite this man who seems forever on her mind, she feels her heart ache for him. It hurts her to see the man she finds herself in love with like this, losing a part of himself that he holds so dear. She swallows down against the emotions that want to rise up, her getting emotional won't help her or him right now.  
  
Taking a moment as she pushes away the thoughts fluttering around her mind, she drags her gaze over him, taking in the way he's leaning against the wall. One leg crossed over the other, arms folded but with a beer bottle held securely in his hand, his head tilted to the side and when she lifts her eyes to his she finds him watching her.  
  
"Can I help you with something, Snow?"  
  
She shakes her head, fighting a blush at being caught watching him. Why she should feel embarrassed is anyone's guess, he watches her all the time. That thought causes a stir and now may not be the best time for a discussion but when actually is the right time going to be, especially lately. "Can I ask you something?"  
  
"You can," Harry shrugs, taking a sip of his beer. "I can't guarantee you an answer though, I'm afraid my mind isn't what it once was."  
  
Caitlin's face falls at his words.  
  
"I'm sorry," he tries to backtrack when he sees that look on her face. "Another poor attempt at a joke. What do you want to ask?"  
  
Caitlin glances to her left to see the team far enough away and engrossed in conversation before looking back at Harry. "Why have you been distancing yourself from me?"  
  
"What?"  
  
She has to give him credit, he does look shocked at her question but she knows he knows what she's talking about. "You know what I'm talking about," she whispers softly. "We were growing closer, spending time together and then you start to pull away, why?"  
  
Harry looks trapped, like he doesn't know how to best answer. "I don't..."  
  
"Don't what?" She's clearly not expecting an answer because she carries on, taking the plunge with what she says next. "Did you pull away because you realised that I felt more for you... and you thought that was the best way to let me down. Or was it -- is it because of what's happening with you right now?"  
  
Harry feels himself reeling from her words. "You felt more?..." Those are the only words he seems able to concerntrate on. Shaking himself, he looks to the side when Iris laughs suddenly. He straightens up, looking back at Caitlin. "We're really doing this now? Here?"  
  
"Will there ever be a better time? With everything that's happening."  
  
"Caitlin-"  
  
"Don't Caitlin me, Harry. I deserve to know why?!" dhe snaps quietly, feeling her irritation building quicker than she anticipated.  
  
And it seems she's not the only one because Harry glares right back at her. "What you deserve is someone better!" It takes a few seconds of them glaring at each other to realise that Harry's outburst hadn't been as quiet as they thought as silence blankets over the loft apartment.  
  
Glancing away from the woman in front of him, he turns to see the team watching them. "Great," he remarks curtly, looking away out the window, setting his beer down on the window seat.   
  
"Uh guys, is everything okay?" Barry asks hesitantly.  
  
"Everything's fine," Caitlin rushes to reassure her friend, her hand blindly reaching out to take Harry by the arm. Tugging him to get the hint to follow after her. "Can you guys give us a moment, please?"  
  
"Yeah, sure." Iris replies for everyone as they watch Caitlin lead Harry across the apartment to the front door.  
  
"What was that about?" Cisco's quiet question follows them out as Harry closes the door behind them. As soon as they're alone, Caitlin rounds on him.  
  
"What did you mean by that? That I deserved better?"  
  
"Exactly what it implies."  
  
"That isn't for you to decide, that decision is for me to make, not you or anyone else for that matter." she tells him quite adamantly.  
  
Her words and how adamant she is when she tells him that hits him harder than he thought it would but the other part, the part that doesn't feel enough strengthens. "I'm losing my mind, Caitlin! Everything I know will be gone! I'll have to relearn everything, if that's all it really entails which as far as we know for now, it is. But I won't be a burden to you."  
  
"That is also not for you to decide," she whispers softly. She moves towards him closing the distance between them. Raising her hands she gently cups his face making him look at her. The vulnerability she sees staring back at her in those brilliant blue eyes of his makes her breathless. "You don't get to decide who I love... _because I love you_ , Harry. I _want_ to be with you, be by _your side_ as you go through this." Her right hand drops from his face to rest over his heart. "You're not alone in this Harry. _I'm right here_ , let me in."  
  
"I..."  
  
The thumb of her left hand that his still cradling his face brushes over his lower lip, effectively cutting off whatever he was about to say. "This will be hard for you, I know that but we can fix this Harry. Together we can make it work."  
  
They both know she means getting him better and making their relationship work. Her certainty is refreshing.   
  
Harry is finding it difficult to find anymore reasons to push her away for her sake. He finds it even more difficult when he sees her moving closer, her body pressing against his. Swallowing hard, he meets her pretty hazel gaze. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Kissing you," she replies then does just that, her right hand sliding up over his shoulder, fingers twisting into his black sweater as she presses her mouth to his. Somewhere in the background she registers a whoop coming from within the apartment but that pales in comparison to the feel of his lips under hers. His mouth is hot and soft, wonderfully so as he opens his mouth allowing the kiss to deepen. What started slow and soft soon intensifies, the kiss turning hot and hungry as Harry turns them pressing Caitlin back against the door to the West/Allen apartment. How long passes by as they lose themselves in the kiss neither can tell but eventually the need to break away comes.  
  
Caitlin drops her head back against the wooden door with a soft thud, her eyes still closed as she tries to steady her breathing. Harry takes the time to study her, her hair a little bit of a mess from his wandering hands and her dress a little rumpled, her lips displaying the clear evidence of a woman who has just been well kissed. All round, she makes for a very beautifully tempting sight and if that kiss and conversation is any indication, she is also his. The thought makes him groan as other things he's stopped himself thinking about, come to mind.  
  
His groan makes her eyes flutter open, a lovely smile on her pretty face as she looks at him. Running her hand down his back she pulls him closer to her if that is at all possible. "You okay?"  
  
Harry nods and for the first time in a long time, he feels like he really is okay.  
  
"Good," Caitlin leans in to brush her lips over his but the moment doesn't last long because suddenly the door they're pressed up against is opened and they're falling into the apartment. Thankfully they manage to stay up right but by the way they fall through the doorway and by how they're in each others arms, it doesn't take a team as intelligent as team Flash to realise what the pair have been doing out in the hall.  
  
The caught couple turn to Iris who had open the door. They ignore the smirk on her face as she looks between them. "Now that you two have stopped making out in our hall..."  
  
"Were you spying on us?!" Caitlin asks in exasperation, feeling a little mortified at the thought.  
  
"We can talk about that later," Barry says, looking a little startled at this new development. "But we have a pregnant lady who wants cake."  
  
Cecile to his left was nodding her head vigorously, her hand rubbing circles over her bump.  
  
"That's why I came to get you, who wants to miss cake."  
  
As Iris walks away, a scowl forms on Harry's face as he thought _I do_. He'd much rather be outside kissing Caitlin than in here eating cake.  
  
Caitlin sensing how disgruntled he is, runs a hand soothingly down his chest. "Later," That one word holding a ton of promise and as Harry watches her walk away to join the others at the kitchen island where the pink two tear cake sits that Joe is curretly cutting into, he is so glad for Caitlin's stubbornness. Because she is right, like she always is, it is her decision to make about who she loves and no matter what is happening in their lives, he feels thankful that she chose to love him. Walking over to join the others, he takes the plate Cecile hands him with a smile, moving slightly closer to to her side, he bumps his shoulder with Caitlin's. Ignoring the assessing looks coming from the others, he meets her eyes and nods slightly. He doesn't manage to hide his smile when she boldly leans in and kisses his cheek softly in clear view of the others.   
  
Whatever may lie ahead of them, whether in their fight against DeVoe, in their search to return Killer Frost to Caitlin or with whatever happens with his mind, he now has the strength and love of Caitlin by his side. They can overcome anything that comes their way, as long as they're together, by each others side in whatever fight that comes their way.  
  
Tbc....


	2. Later...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was requested by the fabulous trinityrosse. So thank her for this added chapter ;)

Just like the drive across town to her apartment, the elevator ride up is just as quiet, not a bad silence but rather a charged one. The weight of his hand at the small of her back as the make they're way to her front door, speaks volumes of the things to come. For such an innocent gesture it burns through the material of her dress into her skin, her body tense with what's to come which isn't a new feeling for her tonight. Since their kiss earlier that night in the hallway outside Barry and Iris' loft, her body has been feeling the loss of his touch, craving the connection and if the looks Harry has been sending her way since that moment is any indication, she knows he feels the same way.

The later comment she made earlier, is finally coming into play.  
  
Sliding her key into the lock, she pushes the door open. Walking in she flicks on the lamp beside the door that rests on the side table before taking off her coat. Turning to Harry she's about to ask if she can take his when he holds it out to her with a smile, taking it from him she hangs them both in the hall closet. Glancing back at him she leads the way further into the apartment, as they pass by the kitchen into the large open plan room, she gestures with her hand and finally breaks the silence that's there between them. "Can I get you anything?"  
  
His eyes never leave her as he shakes his head. "No, I'm fine. Thank you."  
  
Caitlin nods, feeling her stomach fill with nervous excitement. Turning away from him she starts moving, heading towards her bedroom, behind her she hears him following after her. When she enters her bedroom, she moves to her nightstand to turn on the lamp there before moving across the room to her dresser. As she takes off her jewellery setting it down gently, she can feel the weight of his gaze on her, it sends a spike of heat through her body. Kicking off her heels she's about to turn to him when she feels him behind her, his hands at her waist as he presses himself against her. Pressing herself back into him, she let's out a sigh, happy to have his hands finally back on her.  
  
Harry drops his head to her shoulder burying his face in the crook of her neck as he trails his lips over her skin. His teeth graze over her before his tongue follows after, his hands sliding around and down her thighs until they reach the edge of her dress. "I want you out of this."

 _Dear God_... his voice is low, husky and sounds like pure sex. She loves it. "Yes," Caitlin tells him, giving her okay that he can undress her and really, she should be embarrassed by how breathless she already is because he's barely touched her but she isn't.  
  
Harry slowly drags up her dress, his touch brushing her skin as he goes until finally it's off, thrown to the side haphazardly not caring where it lands as long as it's far away from her body. Stepping slightly away from her he drags his gaze over her, down her beautiful back and down her long legs taking in her matching black lace underwear. Leaning forward his mouth meets her back, pressing kisses there as he removes her bra which joins her dress to the side. Kneeling behind her his mouth travels lower, lips brushing along the edge of her panties. Hooking his fingers underneath the material he pulls them down her legs. When their discarded to the ever growing pile of her clothes, his fingertips brush her ankles before moving up over her knees until he reaches her thighs, his touch pauses there for a moment as he presses a kiss to her left ass cheek then to her hip.  
  
Sensing where this is going she turns in his embrace until she facing him. The look of wonder on his face when he sees her properly for the first time is a sight to see. Nothing is said between them because nothing needs to be said. Caitlin's eyes flutter closed when his right hand moves higher until he's there, touching her intimately for the first time. His touch is gentle yet holds a purpose that doesn't surprise her and she knows she's in trouble when he lifts her left leg up to hook over his shoulder, a devilish smirk on his handsome face before he buries it between her legs. She can't help the cry that rips from her throat at the first feel of his tongue sliding over her core. She drops her hands to the back of his head, fingers curling into his unruly hair, whimpers and gasps leave her as he works her, tongue circling her clit as his fingers and his mouth works in perfect partnership against her. It takes very little time before he gets her there, he has her that wound up that his name's leaving her mouth in a strangled moan as her inner muscles tighten around his fingers and she comes against his mouth.  
  
As he pulls away from her, Caitlin squeezes her eyes shut and tries to concentrate on staying upright because her legs feel like jello, like they'll give way at any moment. With her eyes still closed she feels his mouth on her stomach then at her breasts, his tongue circling her hard nipples before moving away until his lips reach hers. She can taste herself on him as he kisses her, his tongue teasing hers, his teeth biting at her lower lip. When he finally pulls back, she opens her eyes to meet his. His normally bright blue eyes are darker than she's ever saw them, filled with desire and need for her.  
  
Looking down his body, she huffs in annoyance. "You have far to many clothes on."  
  
Harry brushes his mouth against her jaw. "Care to rectify that?" His tone is teasing when he asks her that.  
  
Caitlin doesn't answer, instead she does just that, starts to rectify the situation. Hands grasp the edge of his sweater and lifts it up off of him. Teasingly she drags her nails down his bare chest, down the hard planes of his stomach until she reaches his waistband. She leans in to kiss him as she fumbles with his belt then his button and zipper. When she's got them undone she slips her hand inside, gentle fingers closing around his hot, hard length.  
  
Harry groans into her mouth, hips thrusting forward into her touch wanting more. Leaving her breasts for the moment his hands move to push down his jeans and boxer briefs, kicking them aside, leaving him naked finally. "Bed?" He mutters between kisses.  
  
"Yes."  
  
His hands return to her, lifting her up as he turns them. Walking the short distance to the bed he tumbles them down with a laugh. They settle together, him between her thighs as he looks down at her. Those eyes of his are so dark and intense that Caitlin finds she can't look away from them. Without breaking eye contact she reaches between them and guides him into place. Just as Harry is about push forward he pauses. "Do we need..."  
  
Caitlin shakes her head, knowing what he means and that seems to satisfy him because suddenly he's there, buried to the hilt inside of her. A groan leaves him at the feel of her surrounding him, hot, wet and so goddamn tight. Harry takes her hands in his, linking their fingers together before pressing their joined heads down into the sheets beside her head. His lips brushed over hers once and then he starts to move, slowly but surely setting a nice steady pace, rocking his hips into her. Caitlin tilts her head back loving how immediately Harry's mouth finds it's way to her neck, teeth grazing over her pulse point as he starts to move more, thrusting harder into her. Lifting her legs she wraps them around him, both groaning at the slight change of angle. " _God, yes_."  
  
Minutes, hours, days could have passed and neither would have been aware of it, so lost in the feel of each other they were. All that matters to them is each other.  
  
Harry smiles into her neck before pulling back to look down at her. Seeing her with her head pressed back into the mattress, her eyes closed tight and her mouth open, ragged breaths and whimpers leaving her, Harry swears he's never seen a more beautiful sight but he wants more. He wants to see her. " _Look at me_... Open your eyes." And when she does as he asks, he smiles down at her.  
  
Caitlin's grip on his hands tighten, her back arching into him as she pleads for more. "More... Harry,  _please_."  
  
Unable to deny her nothing he starts to move in earnest, harder and faster, helping her get to the edge and over it. Harry has to grit his teeth at the feel of her tightening around his length, her muscles squeezing him almost vice like as she comes. " _Harry!..._ " His name is a scream falling from her lips. It takes very little time after that for him to come, hard, silently thanking his lucky stars that he got her there first before he lost himself because it's been a very long time for him. He draws it out, moving in her until he needs to stop, resting his body on her as she welcomes him into her embrace, her arms wrapping around his back, hands soothing down his spine over his damp skin.  
  
In the silence of her bedroom, they breath heavily against one another, both trying to calm their ragged breathing and sooth their racing hearts. Eventually Caitlin allows him to leave her embrace and he collapses next to her on the bed. When she turns her head to look at him, Caitlin finds him watching her with a very pleased and satisfied smile on his face. "What?"  
  
Harry turns onto his side, reaching out a hand to run down the valley of her breasts to rest on her stomach. "I'm just thinking that I'm glad I haven't forgotten how to do that."  
  
Caitlin mocks scowls at him, slapping at his chest. "Harry..." she scolds him softly.  
  
"Fine," He grumbles, kissing her shoulder. "I'll stop with the memory jokes."  
  
"Please do," she tells him sternly, running her fingers through his sweater dampened hair. It seems that they just can't stop touching each other and she loves it, being able to touch him whenever she wants. Which she does now by turning onto her side propping her head in her hand while with her other, her fingers trail over his face, eyes following as if committing him to memory, the day old stubble tickle at the sensitive pads of her finger tips as she trails across his jaw. She jumps slightly when he quickly nips at her thumb when it brushes his lower lip.  
  
The quiet stillness is broken between them when Harry speaks, his gaze just as intense now as it was when they were making love.  
  
"I'm sorry for being stupid, for making the decision to use dark matter and for taking the choice of us being together away from you."  
  
Caitlin nods, accepting his apology with a sad look on her face. "I know you're sorry for that, for both those things and we will fix this, first thing tomorrow we'll start getting you better."  
  
"Well, not first thing tomorrow..." he smirks, slightly filthy to hide how touched he is by her defiant stand that they will fix his mistakes.  
  
"A fan of morning sex I take it?" her answer makes his smirk broaden on that handsome face of his before he kisses her shoulder quick. When he pulls back, the smirk is gone, in its place is a soft but serious expression.  
  
"Thank you," he tells her quietly.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For talking some sense into me, for being stubborn."  
  
Caitlin shrugs, distracting herself from her emotions by drawing random patterns on his chest. "I didn't like you pulling away from me, creating distance between us."  
  
Harry leans in to kiss her. "There's no distance between us now," he murmurs against her lips.  
  
"No," Caitlin shakes her head as she smiles at him, "there isn't," she rolls onto her back taking him with her until he's half over her. "This is better."  
  
"Much better," Harry agrees and starts to kiss her again.  
  
And it is, being here with her is better than he could have ever imagined. They both know that things to come are going to be hard but the thought of facing it together makes it easier to bare.  
  
The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment, it's always nice to hear from you all. More Snowells soon.


End file.
